


Dearest WIthout Shame

by HiddenViolet



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aromantic, Asexual Character, Insecurity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 07:44:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7039000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenViolet/pseuds/HiddenViolet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel start a relationship and have cute asexual times.</p>
<p>This is my submission of the Supernatural Asexual Mini Bang</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dearest WIthout Shame

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ASMB so please be gentle. My Beta was PoisonousPerfection.

Dearest without Shame

“So who did you go out and fuck this time,” Sam asked his voice condescending. Castiel noticed that Dean shifted uncomfortably before giving his customary response. Castiel cocked his head wondering why Dean was being so secretive about his sexuality. Every angel knew that God's 'chosen ones' didn't feel any sexual attraction or feel the need for sex. He also was pretty sure that Dean had just gone out to drink and chat with people. Angels themselves weren't sexual creatures either so he was going to approach Dean as a mate. Angels were allowed to take human mates as long as they were one of the few chosen ones.

Meanwhile Dean was mentally chastising himself. 'Come on Winchester, you're better than this. If you let him find out than he will definitely get angry and leave you. You remember what happened after you told him you weren't ready for a romantic relationship. He immediately left for college.' 

“Dean I need to speak with you privately,” Cas' gravely voice washed over him. Dean nodded and followed Cas out of the hotel room and into the parking lot. The two settled themselves in the Impala and sat in silence as Cas attempted to figure out the right way to start off proposal.

“Dean, there are some things that are common knowledge amongst the angels and one of those things is that all of God's 'chosen ones' are completely asexual.” Dean looked stunned at this little bit of information. He opened his mouth to comment on it but Castiel simply hushed him. “We have known each other awhile now, haven't we? I enjoy your company greatly and wish to court, or as you say these days, date you. I believe that we are well matched and could find companionship in on another.”

Dean was absolutely stunned. First off, Castiel had known all this time that he wasn't picking up girls to sleep with, he was just chatting with people at the bar? Why hadn't he said anything? Second, he wanted to 'court' him? Where on earth had that thought come from? Dean was slightly absorbed in his thoughts so he didn't notice Castiel tilting his head in worry at Dean's silence. After about a straight minute of awkward silence it had finally sunk in. Dean glanced over at where Castiel was seated and the slightest blush came across his cheeks.

“What would 'courting' entail exactly?” Dean's words were a bit on the soft side (he was still pretty stunned of course) but Castiel heard him perfectly.

“First we would get to know each other to great detail so that there are no secrets or surprises. Then we would go out in public on what you call 'dates' and make ourselves known to the angel community and your brother. Lastly we will decided how physical and romantic a relationship you want and explore that part of our life.” Dean mulled over the words carefully. He wasn't so sure about the tell Sam thing but it would be nice to have a little companionship without worrying about strings, sex, or even romance.

“So you are saying that if I wanted, we could just be close friends and companions with no romance or sex?” At Castiel's affirmative nod he went silent again. He nodded at Castiel. “I would very much like to 'court' you Castiel,” Dean said. As soon as the words slipped out of his mouth he heard a knocking at his car window. He rolled it down and came nose to nose with his brother. Sam had a pissy look on his face and looked ready to start an argument.

“What the hell were you guys talking about out here for so long and why was it so important that it be private,” Sam demanded. Dean rolled his eyes at his brother's constant unrelenting need to know everything, about everyone, all the time. 

“For your information, your highness, what we were discussing is absolutely none of your business. Because contrary to what you believe you are not entitled to every little bit of information about every detail in my life. So kindly but out.” With his last few words he rolled up the windows on the Impala and pointedly ignored his brother. After he realized that he wasn't going to get anything out of him Sam stomped back to the hotel room. Dean turned to where Castiel still was and smiled at his companion.

“Yes, in fact I think this is a lovely idea. Just pop in whenever you want to start getting to know one another better. It will be nice to have a little bit of light in this whole apocalypse thing.” Castiel nodded and with a soft rush of wings was gone.

Three days later

Dean groaned quietly and flopped down on his bed. They had a run in with three demons and come out of it with a lot of bruises. Sam was still angry about the fact that Dean hadn't told him what he and Castiel had discussed and gotten a separate room. Dean privately thought that he held grudges over the stupidest of things, but to each their own he supposed. There was a rush of wings and someone sat down on the bed. Castiel was gazing down at Dean in obvious worry so the exhausted hunter sent him a reassuring smile. Castiel brushed his grace along Dean's body and healed the worst of the bruises and cuts. He left a few so that Sam wouldn't ask too many questions.

Dean gave a soft sigh as the majority of the days aches and pains left him and sat up. Castiel tentatively wrapped his arms around Dean, unsure of what to do in this situation. Obviously it was the correct thing to do as Dean sighed softly and leaned into his side.

“Dean I know you are probably tired right now but I wish to talk a little bit before you go to bed. Just a few questions is all and then you can go to sleep.” Dean nodded sleepily so Castiel decided to go ahead. “I would like to know why you are so scared of telling your brother that you have no interest in sexual relationships at all or, if I am reading you correctly, romantic relationships?”

“Right to the heavy stuff, huh Cas?” Dean sighed softly and fidgeted a bit with his shirt. “I guess I really just wanted Sam to stay with me. I mean back before Sam left for college I was trying to please dad by being as normal as possible so I acted like sex was a huge part of my life but then I told Sam that I really wasn't ready for a romantic relationship nor did I really want one he looked at me like I was an alien. Soon after that he left without saying goodbye. It was almost like he decided I was a lost cause and that he needed to cut his losses and leave.”

Castiel looked sympathetic throughout the whole explanation. Dean had tried everything to keep his family together, including hiding who he really was but they had left him anyway. His father had run off to hunt alone and Sam took off to college without so much as a note. In that moment, Castiel hated the two men. Dean had literally sacrificed everything for them and they only lived in their little worlds, so convinced that they were the only ones that really mattered. Even now, even after Dean had given the ultimate sacrifice for Sam, Sam was still going about life like he thought Dean should do exactly what he wanted, when he wanted and how he wanted.

Dean gave a jaw cracking yawn so Castiel decided to postpone his other questions. He gently tugged his companion down onto the bed. Dean snuggled into his side and drifted off to sleep. Castiel decided to stay a bit longer before he left to deal with whatever crisis was sure to pop up next. He couldn't help but be happy that Dean was comfortable enough in his presence to drift off to sleep. He knew he should leave before he did something nasty to Sam for treating his brother like garbage. So with a soft stroke to Dean's face he fluttered away.

A few weeks later found Castiel once again popping in for one of there chats. What he found when he got there though, made his anger levels spike threw the roof. Instead of Dean relaxing after a hunt and dealing with whatever bruises and bumps he may have had Sam was yelling at him, without letting Dean get in a word edgewise. Dean and Sam were so into their argument that they didn't hear the soft brush of wings nor did they see Castiel standing off to the side. 

Their spectator decided to see if Sam had a viable reason for being angry before jumping in the middle of them. After all Dean did have a nasty habit of rushing into things and nearly getting himself killed. It became apparent after a few minutes that Sam didn't have a reason for his shouting other than his own self importance. It took a bit for Castiel to get the feel of the conversation but as best as he could tell, Dean had gone against one of Sam's commands. This normally would have had Castiel lecturing his hunter but from the looks of it they were both okay and they had killed whatever they had gone after.

Castiel was about to make his presence known when Sam decided that he had enough of yelling at his brother and stormed out of the hotel room. Dean looked dazed and a little upset so Castiel walked over and wrapped his arms around him. Dean startled for a moment but after realizing who it was settled against Castiel's chest. He gave a soft sigh as the angel's presence helped ease some of the tensions of the day. He tugged Dean over to where one of the beds were and gently manipulated him into his arms.

“Here we are having another chick-flick moment Cas,” Dean said softly with a self deprecating chuckle. Castiel gave a slightly derisive snort.

“This is the release of tension and stress not, as you put it, a chick-flick moment.” Dean calmed a bit at the thought of Castiel not making a big deal over the fight.

“How much did you see,” the question hung in the air a bit and Castiel reluctantly answered him back.

“I came in at about the part where Sam started in on you being like your father. After I figured out why he was yelling at you he was already on his way out of the hotel room.”

“That much huh? Well you were going to find out about it anyway. I don't really want to talk about it right now and Sam probably isn't coming back tonight, so do you want to, you know, snuggle?” Castiel gave a soft smile at Dean initiating physical contact and nodded. A quick flip of the lights and the room was plunged into darkness. The two lay there for a while just enjoying each others company. It was only about four hours later, after Dean had fallen asleep and Castiel had slipped off into his thoughts that the door opened and admitted the wayward brother. 

It was opened tentatively and quietly. Castiel later figured it was a futile attempt to keep from waking Dean. What happened next could only be described as pure chaos. Sam gave a shout at seeing his brother and an angel in bed together and Dean awoke suddenly to Sam shouting and Castiel trying to calm him down.

“QUIET!” Dean's voice broke them from their pending argument. “What the Hell is going on here?”

“You were lying in bed with Castiel! That is what's going on in here,” Sam's voice was a whine of anger and self righteousness. Dean arched an eyebrow at his brother and Sam knew that in that moment he had gone too far. Dean had put up with years of ridicule for his lifestyle from his brother and orders from his father. He wasn't going to put up with someone criticizing his best friend/lover.

“Sam, what Castiel and I do is none of your business. So why don't you just but out and fuck off? Why do you get to decide what and who I do things with? You don't! Whether or not I am sleeping with Cas or we are just friends is none of your business. I am the one who gets a say in my love life. So either deal with it or get out. You and Dad have already screwed up my life enough.” 

Sam looked angry over the insinuation that he had screwed up Dean's life and without another word he, once again, stormed out of the hotel. Dean seemed to lose all the fight in him as Sam walked away from his brother. He leaned against the pillow with a world weary sigh. Castiel settled on the bed next to him. Dean curled into the angel and hid his face.

“Dean I know this hurts but this is what Sam does. He wasn't ever going to let you be you. I just want you to be happy Dean. I am sure that if he really cares about you then he will eventually come around.” Dean nodded and gave another sigh.

“I really just wanted to keep my family together. My Dad had to hunt himself into the grave and Sam can't decide whether or not he wants to be part of my family. I guess we will just have to wait and see if he comes around.” Castiel nodded and wrapped his arm around Dean and they sat there for a moment. Finally Castiel spoke up, his gravely voice echoing in the room.

“Well I have plenty of family. Not all of them are gunning for you. Some of them are even decent at times. If that doesn't work out you always have Gabriel to help back you up.” Dean gave a groan at the idea. He did not want a sugar addicted angel popping in to see if he was alright.

“That is actually what I came here to talk to you about. My family wants to do a formal introduction and induction. The induction isn't too stressful they just make sure you aren't going to try and kill me or break my heart. Then they will decide whether or not we will get to be mates. Meeting the family will hopefully not be too bad but it could get nasty if the apocalypse is mentioned.” Castiel's assurances that the intro and induction wouldn't be too bad did nothing to ease Dean's tensions. 

“Do they want to do it right now?” Dean asked.

“Yes when I came in here earlier we had time but already a few days has passed in Heaven so we need to be going,” after Castiel's quick explanation, Dean took a breath and gave the go ahead to Castiel. With the soft brush of wings they disappeared from the hotel and reappeared in an open field. A line of angels stood waiting for them to arrive. Gabriel grinned and skipped over to where they were standing.

“Hey Deano, how's it going? You better be kind to my baby brother and give up that bit of denial you seem to cling too (you aren't Cleopatra you know).” Dean arched an eyebrow at the sweet loving angel as he skipped away from the two of them. Each of the angels came over and introduced themselves to Dean. A few of them he recognized from the fight for and against the apocalypse. A few of them glared but knew that the archangels had the final say in whether or not Dean and Castiel would be allowed to be mates. The introductions only involved the highest angels but even then it seemed to take forever. 

Thankfully Dean was fairly good with names and was able to remember most of them. His nervousness seemed to increase as time went by. It only felt like a few minutes between when he arrived and when he had to face the archangels. Castiel laid a comforting arm around his waist and led him to where seven angels, including Gabriel, sat waiting for him. 

The seven were very different. Michael, dark broody and glaring at him. Gabriel, short light and bouncing in his seat. Raphael tall dark and constantly angry. Uriel, broad intelligent and neutral. Selaphiel, dark haired, dark eyed and calm. Raguel, pale and bored looking. And finally Barachiel, red haired and expectant. The seven sat in plain unadorned chairs. 

Dean tuned out a bit as he listened to Castiel give his spiel to the archangels. He was pondering what he was going to do if they said no. Heck he was pondering what he was going to do if they said yes. If they said no he would have no one but Bobby. His father was dead and his brother was running about doing whatever they hell he wanted with no consideration for anyone else. He tuned in at the end of the speech.

“We must leave for the deliberation,” Michael said after a long pregnant pause. The seven seemed to dissipate into thin air. The rest of the angels began to mill about and converse discussing the chances of the couple getting a majority vote. Most seemed to think that Michael would impress his opinion upon the others and that they would not be allowed to continue their relationship. But a few, thought that the other six would hold onto their opinions and allow them to continue. Dean noted that bets seemed to be taken.

Castiel slipped his hand into Dean's as they stood next to each other not saying anything. Dean gave a shaky sigh and held onto Cas' hand with all of his might. What seemed to be both an eternity and a mere moment to everyone the seven reappeared. Michael was looking angry, Gabriel smug and the rest bored (this after all wasn't really all that exciting if you didn't have a vested interest in either of the men) and apparently it didn't really rank high on their entertainment scale. Gabriel gleefully jumped to his feet.

“We are pleased to announce,” Gabriel began while Michael’s glare intensified, “that the mating of Dean Winchester and Castiel, Angel of Tuesday has been approved.” Dean heard Cas' sigh of relief and he let out his own held breath. The two watched as the angels left in droves. Cas flashed them back to the hotel room and they hugged. Before either had a chance to say anything Gabriel popped in behind them. 

“Oh you should have seem the look on old Michael's face when we out voted him completely. He was terribly angry at us. But what matters is that you two get to be together. You really are perfect for each other.” Dean smiled at the trickster's supporting words. Without some much as a by your leave he was gone. 

“You know that this means we don't have to sneak around anymore. Now that my family and Sam know we can be as open as you like. Bobby always knew,” Castiel mentioned. Dean smiled at the thought that he wouldn't have to hide his love anymore and the fact that Bobby knew. Bobby had always been his confident and friend as well as parental figure. He was the first to know about Dean's real preferences and the first to notice him and Cas. 

Flashback

Bobby narrowed his eyes as Dean entered the house followed closely by Castiel. The old hunter knew there was something going on that Dean wasn't talking about and that Sam wasn't noticing. It took nearly an hour to get Dean cornered. He had Dean in one of the little bedrooms by himself. 

“Dean son we need to have a chat. That angel has been following you around all day like a puppy and you are terrible at keeping secrets from me so spill,” Bobby said. Dean fidgeted for a moment but gave in. 

“Well you see Castiel is an angel, and angels have the ability to know who God's chosen ones are and apparently all chosen ones don't feel sexual attraction, and I'm one of the chosen. So then apparently angels are also allowed to have a chosen one as their significant other. Well Castiel is in a way umm courting me,” Dean said this in a long rambling sentence ending in a soft mutter. Bobby raised an eyebrow gave a snort and then stood. 

“Well son, good for you,” Bobby punctuated his words with a pat on Dean's shoulder and then left the room. Dean gave a smirk and a chuckle at Bobby's reaction. The old hunter was always there for him and never judged. He was the first one that ever knew about that fact that Dean didn't feel sexual attraction.

Flashback End

The two stood awkwardly for a moment until Castiel pulled Dean onto the bed. They laid down together and flipped on the TV willing to let the rest of their problems wait until tomorrow and just enjoy their victory.

The day started with the lovely wake up call of Sam slamming open the door. Dean and Castiel had fallen asleep watching TV and were still a bit groggy. Sam opened his mouth, to let loose another diatribe probably, but made it no farther than the first sound when Gabriel popped in. Grabbing Sam by the shoulder he gave a jaunty salute to the men on the bed and disappeared, taking Sam with him. 

“Well that's that I suppose. Gabriel will either bring him around or get him to leave us alone,” Castiel said whilst standing and stretching. Angels didn't really need to sleep but he found in comforting to do so with Dean. Gabriel reappeared with a little giggle and grinned at the two men.

“I put him back into TV land for you Dean. I think he deserves some quality soap opera time.” Gabriel gave another giggle. “You two should have a proper date with food and dessert and goodnight kisses. The whole shebang. I will leave you to it.” After Gabriel left Castiel gained a contemplative look.

“We should have a date and we should discuss how you want our relationship to progress.”

“Well there is a diner just up the street. I think they have pie and it's fairly late so there shouldn't be many people around to listen in.” Castiel nodded and they walked to the diner in companionable silence. Dean was right, there was only one other customer and they were just reading and eating a muffin.

They took a seat at a corner booth and ordered quietly. They sat there until Castiel brought up the subject.

“What exactly are you comfortable with Dean? I know you like cuddling and I know you like just hanging out but you haven't seemed very comfortable with anything else.” Dean gave a soft sigh at his question.

“I really don't know. I mean I do enjoy all the cuddling and the hanging out and watching TV but I never really enjoyed sex so I don't think we should do that. But I don't know about kissing. See in the past I have never really enjoyed it but that may be because I was always worried where the kissing was going to lead. But I think that maybe if I knew that it wasn't going to lead anywhere I didn't want it to then maybe I would enjoy it.”

Castiel gave a nod and watched as Dean fidgeted for a moment. He opened his mouth to comment when their waitress returned with their food.

“Can I get either of you handsome gentleman anything else,” the busty blond asked leaning over a bit and smiling seductively at Dean. He shifted uncomfortably and Castiel noticed.

“No thank you, my boyfriend and I are quite okay with this.” She blushed and ducked away quickly before she could make a bigger fool of herself.

“Thanks Cas. I don't really know how to deal with women like her. In the past I just took them home because it made me seem more normal to dad but lately I just don't know how to let them down without sounding like a complete asshole.” Castiel nodded again and thought for a moment.

“Well I think we should eat then go back to our hotel room for cuddles and television. We can see if you enjoy kissing tomorrow when you haven't had such a long and trying day. 

Next Day

Dean woke wrapped in a blanket next to Castiel. Castiel, who was gazing at his companion, gave him a little nudge. Dean made a protesting sound and burrowed deeper into his warm covers. Castiel gave a small indulgent smile and settled back in. He would let the hunter sleep for a little while longer and then they needed to get on the road.

He would feel much better when his mate was secured at Bobby's. A couple of hours later he gently woke his sleeping mate. Castiel still couldn't get over the fact that he was allowed to call Dean that. He had never been so grateful for the archangels as when Gabriel said that they outvoted Michael. It probably helped that the archangels were almost completely against the starting of the apocalypse It took a few minutes but Dean was finally ready for the road.

All of Sam's things had been taken so Castiel assumed that he had run off to do his own thing. Castiel gently herded his mate towards the car while distracting him from that little detail. A few hours of music and small talk had them arriving at Bobby's. The old hunter came to stand on the porch holding a gun, which he lowered as soon as he saw the two men.

He came over and gently patted Dean on the back. The new couple figured that Sam had stopped by and told Bobby what had happened. 

“Well get in here you two, before it rains. We don't have all week to get this new hunt researched and I want to get it done before another apocalypse crisis comes up.” Bobby led them into the house and through the stacks of books to where a table was set up. He gave a quick run down of the symptoms and the three got to work. A little while later Bobby headed off to get some sleep claiming he would need all the rest he could get to deal with the idjits of the world, so it was just the two of them.  
“Dean do you want to try kissing now?” Dean gave a nod to Castiel's question and the two set themselves up. Castiel carefully leaned in and pressed his lips against Dean's. Dean and Castiel carefully kissed for a moment until Castiel backed away.

“How was that Dean? Better with no expectations?” Dean gave a nod to his question. “Well we know that kissing is on the table. Now what about sex. I know that you don't feel attraction and that for all these years you have been keeping up your image, but do you enjoy it?” Dean though for a moment and then looked at his mate.

“You know all these years it has sort of been miserable for me because I knew that they didn't really care for me they just wanted to get off. So I think that originally I may have been able to enjoy it with someone who really cared for me I think that maybe it has been ruined. But if you want to try it then we can go ahead and try it. We can even do it regularly if you want to.” Castiel shook his head at Dean's suggestion.

“No, maybe in a few months or even years when we are more settled in and comfortable with each other we can see if I can make it good for you. But if at any time you feel remotely uncomfortable I want to tell me Dean. I mean it I don't want you holding back just because you think that it will make me happy.”

“Alright Castiel. But you may have to remind me of that a few times until I get the hang of it. To be honest I have spent so much time doing what others want while ignoring what I want that is has become ingrained in my behavior.” Castiel nodded in agreement with what he was saying. The two of them went back to their research. After a few hour of uselessly digging through books Dean glanced at the clock and noticed that it was 2:30am and he hadn't had much sleep lately. Dan closed the book he was reading with a sigh and stretched.

“Okay Cas it is time for bed. I am unbelievably tired right now and we have to kill whatever this thing is in a few hours I am going to bed. Do you want to come with me and snuggle?” Castiel smiled at his mate and stood up with him carefully bookmarking the page he was on and closing his book. The two of them wandered up the stairs to where Dean's bedroom was. They got ready for bed which mostly just involved stripping down to their underwear and getting under the covers. They lay there in the dark in silence for a moment until Castiel spoke up.

“Dean are you alright?” Castiel asked. Dean nodded. “You aren't regretting anything are you?”

“No, no I have no shame for this decision. In fact I think it is the best I have ever done.”


End file.
